Painkiller!

It was paining, really bad, coz the thought and the impending realization had razor sharp edges. And every time the thought travelled through my nerves from the cortex to the hypothalamus, it would make an irreversible incision, a wound that needed immediate attention, a timely remedy. I was feeling purposefully purposeless. Was completely disoriented. Fatigue and aversion born out of the job had made me cynical. it did not manifest itself in words, but in a rare devastating form, in the form of withdrawal symptoms. and that feeling, uffff, my friend is unsuppressable.
I kept thinking to myself, WHY, why, oh why! am i doing whatever i'm doing? for how long will I keep doing what i'm doing? will it always be so hectic? o anti-social? where was my LIFE? When do i get to do something that i really wanna do? When...when will I get the time to do NOTHING?

When will I get to meet NOBODY? when will i not look at my watch or my inbox, WHEN?
The weekend came a s a god sent cure. Not a complete and long-lasting relief, but definitely a breather, a much sought after BREAK.
A break in good time, so that i don't break. Phew! Is the damage this BAD? Even I don't know when...or maybe i didn't wanna face the realization.
I will leave all of this ONE day. Someday soon, i hope. And succumb to the sun, the river, the mountains, the wild, the NOTHINGNESS in materialistic terms, the COMPLETENESS of mother nature.
I will surrender someday soon, to the clock of the wild, the leaves, the birds, the animals, the river. I will ONE DAY not have a schedule, a deadline.
I will dissolve someday, someday soon i hope, into the all encompassing NATURE.
Till then, I'll keep writing and recording my TRANSITION.